Acceptance First
Have you ever worked with a coach or therapist who promised to “fix” or “change” you?
What if change cannot be forced?
When Change Becomes the Problem
Many coaching and therapy approaches are steeped in the language of transformation—change the behavior, change the mindset, change the outcome. Early in his career, Dr. Tom Luttrell followed that model. But over time, he noticed a pattern: the more he tried to change others, the less lasting the results. It was a hard truth to confront—especially in a profession built around "improvement."
So he began to unlearn the idea that people need to be fixed.
The Paradox of Change
Dr. Luttrell’s turning point came through his study of Gestalt therapy and the humanistic work of Carl Rogers—both of which emphasize unconditional acceptance. Writing about how Gestalt therapy works, Dr. Arnold Beisser described a"Paradoxical Theory of Change":
"Change occurs when one becomes what he is, not when he tries to become what he is not... By rejecting the role of change agent, we make meaningful and orderly change possible...
"The Gestalt therapist rejects the role of 'changer'... Rather, change can occur when the patient abandons, at least for the moment, what he would like to become and attempts to be what he is.”
This concept helped reshape Dr. Luttrell’s practice.
Therapists and coaches often define success by how well their clients meet their goals—but tying your worth to someone else’s progress is risky. When results hinge on external outcomes, the work becomes a roller coaster.
That’s when Dr. Luttrell made a quiet, but profound decision. He wrote:
“I quit… being a change agent.”
He hasn't looked back since.
Of course, people still come to him seeking change. But now, he begins with something deeper: acceptance. And paradoxically, when people feel truly seen and valued as they are, meaningful change often follows.
Growth or Grace?
Which is more important: growth or grace? How do we balance the two?
For people of faith, this isn’t new. In many traditions, change flows from being fully accepted—not from fear or shame. The story of Jesus and the woman caught in adultery offers a powerful example: before he said, “Go and sin no more,” he first said, “Neither do I condemn you.”
This order matters.
Whether you come from a faith background or not, the principle is universal: acceptance creates the safety where healing begins.
If we had to choose a starting point, we’d start with grace. With acceptance. Growth is important—but without grace, growth becomes a performance. A treadmill of striving. And without growth, grace can lose its grounding. We need both. But grace must come first.
The Philosophy of HigherChange
At HigherChange, our motto is simple: Acceptance First.
We believe that genuine healing and transformation can only grow from a foundation of unconditional acceptance. But make no mistake—acceptance is not complacency. It’s not giving up. It’s choosing to see someone clearly, hold space for their humanity, and walk with them toward something better.
This isn’t just a method. It’s a mindset. A way of relating. And it works.
Why Acceptance Comes First
Here are several reasons why "Acceptance First" or acceptance as a first step is important for the healing and change of individuals:
🛡️ Psychological Safety
People are more likely to open up when they feel safe. Acceptance lowers defenses and invites vulnerability—the heart of healing.
🤝 Building Trust
Acceptance builds rapport. Trust deepens when people feel respected as they are, not pressured to become someone else.
💞 Self-Compassion
When we learn to treat ourselves with the kindness we offer others, we create space for growth without shame.
🚫 Reducing Shame & Stigma
Acceptance challenges the stigma surrounding mental health, addiction, and trauma. It says: you are not broken.
💪 Empowerment & Autonomy
Change that comes from within—rather than pressure from others—is more authentic and sustainable.
🔍 Authentic Exploration
Acceptance allows people to explore who they truly are. No masks. No pretending. Just presence.
🌱 Resilience & Coping
Knowing you’re accepted strengthens your ability to navigate setbacks and handle stress.
🧠 Supportive Relationships
When you experience acceptance, you’re more likely to seek relationships that reflect it—and to offer it in return.
💬 Vulnerability & Openness
Acceptance invites us to tell the truth. And telling the truth—especially about our pain—is where healing starts.
🔁 Sustainable Change
Lasting growth doesn’t come from willpower alone. It comes from acceptance-fueled clarity and a desire to thrive.
Acceptance in Therapy and Coaching
“Acceptance First” is more than a slogan. It’s a posture. It’s how we honor the dignity and agency of every person we work with.
When people feel accepted, they’re free to be honest. To grieve. To hope. To grow.
That’s what healing looks like.
For more on our approach and team, visit the HigherChange homepage: http://www.higherchange.com
To learn more about the psychological concept of acceptance, visit: